Super Cha

It’s been four weeks since I returned to work. The first week was pretty rough, though I’m proud to say I only had to run up to the mothers’ room once to cry. A routine has formed, and it is mostly easy to handle: Linus wakes once or twice during the night for a little milk, and then easily goes back to sleep. The second session is usually around 4:30, so after I feed him, it doesn’t make a lot of sense for me to get back into bed and wait for my alarm to wake all three of us. Instead, I put him on my side of the bed instead of back in the crib (I take away all pillows and make sure the blanket is tucked away and around Yen), and then I nap for half an hour on the couch downstairs. When my alarm goes off, I eat a little breakfast, pump breakfast for Linus, and leave the bottle upstairs on his changing table along with a little love note for Yen. At work, I pump three or four times depending on how my calendar works that day, then hurry home to feed him in person around 5:00. We bundle him up for a quick walk in the gathering dark, and then play with him until around 7:30 when he starts to show signs of sleepiness. Then we take him upstairs to read a few books, look at his mobile, and then finally swaddle him and put him to bed.

So that’s my routine. It provides very little time with Linus – at least time during which he’s fully awake and can interact with me. That makes me sad, but it’s the reality of our modern world. I need to work so we can pay the mortgage and buy things like diapers and tiny hoodies. I miss him very much, but I comfort myself with photos in my office and on my phone. There are times (if I’m being completely honest) when I think this schedule might actually be the best one for me. I’ve never been terribly good with babies. It’s hard for me to know how to be with someone who can’t really do anything except drool and swat at dangling toys. I adore every second with him, but I think if I found myself staying at home 24/7, I might get frustrated.

I just described my schedule. Let me tell you now about Yen’s schedule. Sometime between 7:00 and 9:00 (depending on how the night went), he opens his eyes to see two huge dark eyes staring at him. As soon as they take him in and realize he’s awake, the biggest, mostly hopelessly toothless smile blooms underneath them. The two of them lie in bed cuddling and cooing at each other for sometimes up to half an hour. After that he changes him and feeds the bottle I left behind. After breakfast, Yen bundles Linus up and they go for a walk around the neighborhood, checking to see whether anything changed during the night (it hasn’t). By the end of the walk, Linus has drifted toward sleep, and when they return, Yen puts him down for a nap and logs in to his computer. Usually about now his mom arrives to help out with Linus.

I’m less clear on the details of what happens from then on. But essentially: Yen balances immediately answering IMs from work, dashing downstairs to play with Linus, scrums, tidying up the house, coding, helping his mom sort out why Linus is crying, and any number of other tasks you could imagine.

When I come home, we have the aforementioned walk, and then Yen goes outside to do an hour of yard work before it gets too dark. Back inside, he teaches me the new games they invented during the day, and recounts all of the exciting events (such as Linus attempting to suckle a giraffe’s nose – really! There’s a video I’ll post soon.). When Linus gets fussy, Yen decodes the cry for me  (“Oh, that means he’s hungry.”). When his diaper needs changing, Yen hops up and takes care of it in a flash. At some point, he’ll say, “You really need to eat. I’ll watch him.” And then he plays on the floor, bringing as much energy to the games now at 7:00 at night as he did 12 hours ago. I eat, and then set up on the couch to feed Linus for bedtime. Does Yen settle in for a nap? Of course not. He washes and slices fruit, and then feeds it to me a piece at a time to make sure I’m eating enough each day.

After Linus finishes eating, Yen says, “Ok, I’ll take care of him,” and carries him upstairs, singing along the way. He has a magic routine that puts Linus to sleep very quickly, and then he heads back to his computer to put in a couple more hours of work. I have never, not once, heard him complain about having too much to do, or feeling overwhelmed. Every word from his mouth is gratitude that Linus has come into our lives.

There are a lot of tributes to how much moms do. And they deserve all of them. But I wanted to capture here that Yen is the most wonderful, natural father that you could imagine. He is endlessly patient, eternally enthusiastic, and absolutely fearless. He is Super Cha (“cha” is what Linus will call him), and is so happy with this new role. It moves me terribly every time I see them together, and I can’t imagine what I did to have two such wonderful men in my life. I don’t know how he manages to do it all (did I mention he also does 200 pushups a day somehow?), but I am so grateful that he does.