Advice for writers

This is too charming not to share. It’s from The City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers and should be read by all of you (but go back and learn about Zamonia first in his other books!).

Never write a novel from the perspective of a door handle!

Foreign words are foreign to most readers.

Never put more words in a sentence than genuinely belong in it.

If a full stop is a wall, a colon is a door.

If you write something drunk, read it through sober before you submit it to a publisher.

Never write with anything but quicksilver; it guarantees narrative flow.

Footnotes are like books on the bottom shelf. No one likes looking at them because they have to bend down.

A single sentence should never contain more than a million ants unless it’s in a scientific work on ants.

Sonnets are best written on deckle-edged paper, novellas on vellum.

Take a deep breath after every third sentence.

It’s best to write horror stories with a wet flannel round your neck.

If one of your sentences puts you in mind of an elephant trying to pick up a coconut with its trunk, better give it some more thought.

Stealing from one author is plagiarism; from many authors, research.

Big books are big because the author didn’t have the time to express himself succinctly.